Photograph of MMT making plant art in Costa Rica on the day this was written, January 31st, 2008

I found this writing recently and was re-inspired by the zest for life that carried me to write it almost three years ago.  Even Rumi’s poem on grief was attached to this writing. It is with deep gratitude that I still feel this way, and keep moving along in the dream.

"This Life"

I want it all. That is, all that I want. How can I accept myself when I am less than what I desire without falling prey to contentment and dream-lessness? How can I not accept myself? “Keep up!”, Yogi Bhajan said – it is the mantra of the modern day.

My mind and body and spirit KNOW how grand it is to be alive! It fills my every cell with desire to be, to do, to have, to give. I could have so much more, yet I am being and doing all I can. I do my best and every time I fall I get back up and go at it again with a new perspective. I do not know how to get to where I want to be any other way than I am going about it. Do you?

In many ways I am a child. I feel like one in my body, so eager and ready for the next experience and in awe of life everyday. I keep dreaming and visioning as if I am a young child with my whole life ahead of me.

I am a heartist. I want to paint with plant dyes on canvas. I want to collage images of plants with stories interwoven into them. I want to make huge educational pieces of story-collage art that hang in Times Square. I want to make candle lit altars with fibers, collages , pressed plants and other treasures. I want to create containers for succulent plants- fairy rock gardens that folks can have as houseplants. I want to play with mosaics for table tops and countertops and chairs seats and potted plants and walkways and more. I want to make bouquets in vases all over the house from the flowers I grow and collect on walks.

I am a writer. I want to write books about stories I have lived that help awaken those who are pretending to be asleep. I want to inspire more people to return to plant-loving relationships through my writing. I want to publish books with Frank on Africa and Australia, the people and the plants and return there again and again to research them. I want to have articles in magazines that educate earth awareness. I want to document things of interest to me like plant-alities and rituals and put out  books that keep the knowledge alive.

I am a mother. I love to nurture and nourish and care for my beloved daughter. I want to provide a beautiful home for her. I want to teach her the things living has taught me while I learn from her. I want to hold her and snuggle and support her on her chosen path. I want her to know that I am her true friend and I will never forsake her. I want another baby to grow in me, and suckle and sing lullabies to. I want to be a mother to children.

I am a sister. I want to have more sisters of my heart in my daily life. I am a woman of ritual and song and I want women present in my life who are of the same. I want sistArs who are ready to trust one another and make commitments of life sharing. I want to have sisters at my hearth fire and feed them. I want to be fed by them too. I want to exchange nourishing touch with my sisters. I want to support their families as they grow and feel their support, too; I want to know their mates and their children and their home and love them.

I am a lover. I am sensual and erotic and beautiful. I am a woman who loves to touch and caress and adore my lover. I care well for my body and love its form. I want a mate to appreciate it with me, daily, and for me to adore his body. I want regular, delicious, caring, passionate lovemaking in my life. I want to consciously conceive a baby with my partner. I want to share a home together with my lover. I want to be primary lovers, open to other lovers that enhance our relationship. I want him to be my confidant, who I am completely comfortable sharing my whole self with, with whom reflections of our lives we gift one another. I want my mate and I to bear witness to one another’s daily lives, making it more real, twice as powerful. I want our living testimony to ripple forth into the bigger circle.

I am a daughter of creation. I want to run up mountains, feel my heart-rate rising telling of my potential  and my boundaries.

I want to write out my life like a book and see how much of that visioning I can live into. And I believe if I do not do it all in this life, just scripting it out will bring it closer for my next round.

More than anything I want to feel daily joy and inspiration. I think that I know what will bring that feeling to me but I trust in Spirit to make those greater decisions. I ask to be filled with the Fruits of the Holy Spirit: joy, peace, passion, understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, inspiration, humbleness, gratefulness, creativity, humor, comfort, well-being, prosperity, beauty, grace, delight filled service, strength, wisdom, courage, clarity, compassion, gentleness, patience, self-control, mindfullness, self-love, kindness, purpose- all these children of unconditional love.

Every vision I hold for myself is in essence an attempt to come closer to these fruits. I know that it matters not what or who or how I live out my life, but that these feelings are present with me.  I feel I have suffered enough. Creation has suffered enough. This is a new chapter in humanity where we can enjoy life fully. It is my intention to live into that so that it ripples to all beings. Of course there will be low times. It is the waning and waxing of life that makes it earthly. But I do not have to dwell there, or stay there for long. Learn the lesson, feel the contrast, and move on .

“Undressing”

Learn the alchemy true human beings know-

The moment you accept what troubles have been given to you,

The door will open.

Welcome difficulty as a familiar comrade.

Joke with torment brought by the Friend.

Sorrows are rags of old clothes and jackets that serve to cover,

Then are taken off.

That undressing,

and the naked body underneath, is the sweetness that comes after grief.

                                                                - Rumi